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TTEM - Transformational Tools for Body Energy and Mind  |  Mind  |  Relationships/Living/Psychology  |  Topic: Why being "nice" isn't as "nice" or as good as it sounds 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »


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Why being "nice" isn't as "nice" or as good as it sounds
« on: 09 April 2014 »

"Too nice for your own good"  and "No more Mr Nice Guy"

Don't like the latter heading as it implies not being nice  sad ... the former is better smiley


Anyway in writing the most recent article the other week I was shocked to found that I hadn't promoted/mentioned these two very important works.

Very important as all too often going along the "spiritual path" means people can become "too nice" - whether Born Again Christians or Born Again Buddhists.  We have all met them - folks who are saccharine sweet and out of touch with their visceral power and suppress their shadow side almost entirely.

Actually a first class healer said to me recently that they find some of their trickiest clients to heal have been "Buddhists" as they have done such a good job of repressing firmly all the shadown material  Uh?

Of course this wasn't what the Buddha meant.  Am sure its one reason why he banned statues and likenesses of himself - as otherwise folks would start copying some image.

Anyway back to the matter in hand.  Time-pressed right now so I will just cut and paste from

5. Too much Mr Nice Guy(/Girl)

We are strongly conditioned to be “nice”.  And it’s hard to see much wrong with this isn’t it?  And I must admit it took me decades to see through this fully (well if I have got to fully yet lol).  Perhaps only last August when I read this book (4.3*/5 from 265 (!) reviews at right now) – don’t agree with every word but he hits a lot of nails on the head:

At Dr Glover’s website ( he gives an overview of how he got into this:

    In the early 90s I had a crisis. I was about two years into my second marriage. I thought I had found the woman of my dreams. Yet I was frequently frustrated and resentful toward the woman I loved.

    I did everything I could to make her happy. I tried to solve her problems. I tried to be a good father to her children. I tried to be a better man than the other men in her past. I tried to be the best lover she had ever had. I put her needs ahead of mine.

    In spite of everything I did for her, it never seemed enough. I could never seem to make her happy. She was frequently moody and would lash out at me, seemingly without provocation. Our sex life sucked.

    My resentment grew, but I kept it all inside. I just kept trying harder to do whatever it would take to make her happy and get her to give me the love, appreciation, and sex I so deeply desired. …

    I slowly began to see how my “Nice Guy” behavior was not only not getting me what I wanted in my relationship, it was actually doing great damage. I began to learn about things like boundaries, self-care, self-soothing, and honesty.

    I came to realize that the road map I had been using my entire life was extremely flawed and incapable of helping me get what I wanted. It was like I was trying to navigate my away around Seattle with a map of San Francisco. I was sure the map was accurate, but no matter how hard I tried, it never got me to my desired destination.

There’s another book I would recommend for nice guy/nice girl syndrome – “Too Nice For Your Own Good” (

In the context of Visions “being too nice” can mean you are just letting everyone around you set your vision as you think this is “being nice” and that “being nice” is – er – well – er – nice smiley
« Last Edit: 14 April 2014 by Mike » Logged


Senior Member
Posts: 417

Re: Why being "nice" isn't as "nice" or as good as it sounds
« Reply #1 on: 05 September 2014 »

I split off this topic which relates nicely (groan!):

Why Nice Guys and Gals Finish Last in Love:

Remember when you were young...
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